Computer quotes

Computer related Humorous quotes.

All computers wait at the same speed.
One good reason why computers candor more work than people is that they never have to stop and answer the phone.
The chance of a computer crash is directly proportional to the importance of the document that you are working on.
The probability of a hard disk crashing increases in direct proportion to the amount of time since the drive was last backed up.
Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw.
The attention span of a computer is only as long as its electrical cord.
The upgrade will break down as soon as the old version is deleted.
The one file you don't scan for viruses will be the one with the worst virus.
A digital readout provides misinformation with greater accuracy than previously possible.
The better the customer service, the sooner you get to speak with some who can't help you.
The greater the emergency, the lower the charge in your cell-phone battery.
Your most important program will require more memory than you have.
If you have enough memory, you will not have enough disk space.
If a program actually fits in memory and has enough disk space, it will crash.
If the program is running perfectly, it is waiting for a critical moment before it crashes.
No matter how low the price of the computer you purchased, you will find a more powerful computer for a lower price within one week of your purchase.
Computer power doubles and prices halve every eighteen months.
On-line tech support is designed to provide everything short of actual help.
It is easier to change the specification to fit the program than vice versa.
Computers are an intelligent sink; there is no level of genius that cannot find its match in system design.
There is no language in which it is the least bit difficult to write bad programs.
If you spend hours trying to sign on to a busy server, your connection will be lost as soon as you get on.
Surfing the internet is like spending an entire day at a magazine rack.
Your new hardware won't run your old software.
If a file takes an hour to download, someone in your house will pick up the phone in the 59th minute.
When connecting to website, your request will take the most indirect possible route.
The most promising result from a search engine query will lead to a dead link.
The probability of your browser locking up is directly proportional to how close you are to the information that you've been searching for.
A computer makes as many mistakes in two seconds as twenty men working twenty years.
No matter what you search for, at least one porn site will match your criteria.
Artificial intelligence is not match for natural stupidity.

The Printing Laws :

It will not work the first time.
It probably will not work on the second attempt.
Immediately after you walk away from the printer, the paper will jam.

Law Of Information Technology :

The information you have is not what you want.
The information you want is not what you need.
The information you need is not what you can obtain.
The information you can obtain costs more than you want to play.

The 401 Error Principle :

Your favourite bookmarks no longer exist on the server.

COMPUTER SYSTEM DEFINITIONS :
Hardware:	The parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
Software:	The parts of a computer system that don't work.
Peripherals:	The parts that are incompatible with your computer system.
Printer:	The part of the computer system that jams when you are not looking.
Cable:	The part of the computer system that is too short.
Corollary:	The old version will not reinstall.
Mouse:	See cursing.
Backup:	An operation that is never performed on time.
Restore:	A procedure that works perfectly until it is needed.
Memory:	The part of a computer system that is insufficient.
Error Message:	A request to OK the destruction of your own date.
File:	The part of the computer that cannot be found.
Processor:	The part of a computer system that is obsolete
Manual:	The element for your computer system that is incomprehensible.